I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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