I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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