he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
