pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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