so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
