i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
