i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
