What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
