I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
