so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
