**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
time to smoke my breakfast
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
