so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
did i walk over a car last night?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
