My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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