Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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