Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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