Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
