he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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