I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
