oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
