hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
