Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
