R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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