You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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