i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
