You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
accomplished twins. life is a go
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
