she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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