Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
