Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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