How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
