Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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