Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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