Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
