i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
