The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
