some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize