Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
MIDGETS
????
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
