i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I woke up under a house in Key West
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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