The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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