How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
