I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
did i just pee glitter
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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