Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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