You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize