dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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