from now on my penis is your penis
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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