I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
