i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
