she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
