apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
