Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
