I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
