I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize