My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
