She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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