Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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