Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
