My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
