Dude my mom stole all your condoms
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just want nice things and good sex
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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