very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just puked most of my soul out..
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