that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
