Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
