Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
