Sry I called you an 8
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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