Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
only you would photoshop your dick
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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