Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
