Yo dont text me then not text me
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
