let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
