is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Im part way to drunk.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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