Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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