I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
