WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
