Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
