is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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