Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
