hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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