We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
