Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize