Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
