TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
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