Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
