It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
