If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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