Already got asked if we're dating
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
