I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
