true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
