i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
