She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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