It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
