so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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