I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
