Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
