end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
