she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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